Great Construction
AM I GOD OR MAN?
No person would be more mysterious than I am. It is certain that such type of human beings as me have never possibly existed ever since the beginning of the world. Even on my own part, the more closely I consider it, the more definitely I think it to be summed up in the one word: "mystery." And as far as I know, I do not find the individuals just like me even when I investigate wide range of biographies since ancient times of holy men or women, wise persons, great figures, etc. Such being the case, I take it into consideration that someone will go deep into the study of me someday in the future, and quite a few number of criticisms on me will necessarily be delivered, I intend to leave my own writings about what I am as I really am to the extent possible now.
When I try to write on "me", it is none other than I myself who most wonders about "me." That is because I am replete with too many mysteries, and in this light, I intend to analyze myself both subjectively and objectively, but as for me and my things, even the fellows who have been close to me for tens of years seem still unable to form an idea of what I really am - no, even my wife does not seem to know very well. I am, of course, a person of religion but I am not a founder of a new religion like Shakyamuni and Christ, and do not seem to be an outstanding religious figure either. For what I have as capacity covers too wide a range of fields.
I have never thought of doing such things as above ever since my early days. I was only vaguely conscious that I seemed to be different in someway or other from ordinary people; that's all I cay say. The most different point of all is that I am never inclined to feel like admiring any person who has been talked about as a great name of history. This is because I simply did not think that they are so great that I could not catch up with them by any means. It was not my own peculiar logic or mere vanity, but the feeling that sprang up spontaneously from my heart, about which I often felt even lonely and sad. And another singularity of mine was that I have a strong sense of justice, so I hated evil things twice as much as other people and would often make great efforts to suppress my indignation at them. Upon this, after deliberation about how to diminish these injustices some way or other, it was a newspaper that I set my eyes on. But in those days, they said that without more than one million yen, it was impossible to publish a newspaper, so I worked energetically in business to make that amount of money but the result was: contrary to my ambition, I ended in complete failure. However, since this also motivated me to get involved in the religious world, as things turned out, it was better for me.
That means my coming to believe in Oomoto-kyo; though until then I had been a hard-shell atheist, the faith in Oomoto allowed me to recognize the reality of God from the bottom of my heart. It is because amazing miracles came up in succession at all, so I naturally changed my mind executing a 180-degree turn, and as day went by, more and more miracles occurred in succession; finally I received spiritual revelation about my destiny over the past, present and the future, and at the same time, I was given the superhuman power, so it was made sure that I bear the great responsibility of relieving humankind. And the phenomenon I thought to be very mysterious at that time was that some great being manipulated me with perfect freedom and made me comprehend the reality of the world of God step by step through miracles; on this occasion, the rapture filling up my heart was so great that I did not have control over it. This feeling was subtle and profound, and I was in the absolutely exquisite mood beyond expression.
And that, miracles cropped up one after another as before; I was dying of curiosity about it and my heart pounded with excitement countless times in a day. The most significant and greatest miracle among them happened when the Emperor Taisho passed away, that is, in December 1926 (the 15th year of Taisho).
From "A Story on Me", unpublished, written in 1952 (the 27th year of Showa)
This essay has previously appeared once in translation. The citation is given below for reference.“An Account of Myself, A Divine or an Ordinary Being?” The Light from the East, Volume 2, 1986, page 253.